On a Separate Note...

Thought of this dual-meaning cheesy title on the morning train to church this morning. This post shall constitute some of my random thoughts over the past few days since my last blog post...

After blazing through the first 5 sermons of the Song of Songs series by Pastor Mark Driscoll, a big part of me inside kept repeating to myself that had the two of us gone through this sermon series before our (or at least mine) world came crashing down, then perhaps we might have extended the lifespan of our relationship to let's say... until we die?

But having rationalized it with Amanda after the Money Matters talk yesterday afternoon at church, perhaps it is just wishful thinking. I know she still reads this blog, because I must have scared her off trying to talk to me since my last angsty post telling her I'm not cool. I don't know if that is a good thing, but now I'll never know. I don't think she will ever come and tell me how she feels deep inside her head and her heart ever again. If you are reading this, please listen to the series of sermons and prepare yourself (quite heartwrenching and reluctant to say this, but... *sigh*) for the man that God wills for you.

I also spoke about my fear of becoming over- reliant, or worse, rebounding on a friend who was best able to communicate with me over this tough period. But I also now know from the sermons that I've heard that every relationship should start from friends (i.e. brothers and sisters in Christ). Trust me, it wasn't always the case. Therefore, my focus should be on making use of my time in singlehood to serve God and His people wholeheartedly and not worry about my desires to settle down with a nice gal... Eventually, it may happen - God will decide when to parachute The One into my life, not me. Not my will, but His will be done.

Oh well, at least over the last couple of days I am starting to be more productive again. I hope everything is well for her too, at least now her parents won't be stressing her out with why we weren't suitable - not at least for me. But if I were her parents I would do the same thing too - not asking for their blessings was the surest way to get off on the wrong footing - twice. All the best, if you are reading this.

Stuck in school on a rainy Sunday with 3 projects to complete. What a way to spend a Sunday.
Pray for me guys...