Part II of the book speaks of Biblical Wisdom for Dating and Relationships.
Chapter 5 opens with a very interesting question, one that is close to the heart, for it is the same issue that I have been grappling with over the past couple of months.
What attracts you to a person of the opposite gender?
Let us look at a man first (no, not ladies first). Most often the things that attract Christian men to Christian women can be broadly classified under the below four categories: looks, personality, shared interests and godly character. The writers assert that if we divide these 4 categories into two, giving 1 woman the former 2 and the other woman the latter 2, then woman #1 would be going out on dates while woman #2 would be staying home. Shocking? Hardly.
So, the authors assert that foolish men would date woman #1, or in general, going after women with a sensual appeal. Delving into the book of Proverbs, the writers write...
"Proverbs 6:23-26 warns young men not to become entangled with evil women. The warning involves the very trap into which so many men are led by their eyes: 'Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes' (Prov. 6:25). The first principle that Proverbs gives men, therefore, is to be on their guard when confronted with physical beauty in a woman. Can it be coincidental that the book of Proverbs, written especially with the training of young men in mind, concludes with this warning: 'Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised' (Prov. 31:30)?
Men, let's go back to the list we asked you to make. If beauty is at the top and godliness is tagged on at the bottom, then the Bible advises you to turn your piece of paper upside down - that is, if you want to be wise, and if you want your decisions to be shaped not by the world and its desires but by God and his wisdom. What Proverbs tells us is that a man should not allow his flesh alone to do the choosing. Instead of considering those women who are most physically attractive, and then trying to restrain your flesh so as to give at least some thought to Christian character, you ought to first to focus on those women who give evidence of fearing the Lord..."
How true. This is indeed a big challenge, and the book of Proverbs does give plenty of good advice to young men in terms of what women we should look for (I actually forgot about all the verses in Proverbs until this book reminded me). The rest of the section on men goes on to explore the book of Proverbs and speaks of the importance for a man to look for a woman who fears the Lord, is of noble character (Prov. 12:4 as a warning, and of course Prov. 31). Other interesting verses to look at include Prov. 14:1, Prov. 19:13-14, Prov. 21:9 etc.
Men, how does that change the way we look at what we want in a potential wife?
Now for the ladies. The writers center this section around what is the beauty that really matters. Working from dressing, the writers assert that women who dresses sensually should not be surprised to learn that men she attracts are driven mainly by the eyes and the flesh. Instead, the writers urge women to look at the beauty that God offers, as mentioned in the scriptures:
"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives - when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves..." - 1 Peter 3:1-5
The writers then expound further on the cultivation of this true beauty which attracts not just men but even God. Then, finishing up the section on what is true beauty, the writers write...
"Earlier in this chapter, we considered what a wise and biblically informed man should seek in a wife. Isn't that the kind of man you want to be attracted to you? Take a look, then, at what you are presenting to men and ask what kind of man you will attract. If you are relying on charm and outward beauty, setting them forth in your dress and flirtatious conduct, then realize that it is only the foolish man who will fall into your trap. Especially if you are loud or contentious, realize that the Bible specifically warns men against falling for you. The godly man, the man who will make a loving and faithful husband, sees you and turns away. How much better for you to trust the Lord and cultivate those spiritual beauties that are calculated to draw a man of godly character and real wisdom and, better still, that are certain to make you precious in the sight of our loving Lord and God."
Then, the last section of the chapter looks at the kind of Christian men a Christian woman should consider. Gentlemen, it will do us some good to pay attention as well. Here are a selection of statements that we should pay attention to:
"A man may exude confidence without a godly character. A foolish woman swoons over a charming man without considering whether she is safe in his hands."
"A Christian woman should want a man of the Word, a man of prayer, and a man who delights in worship."
"A man who is dishonest at work, is not careful to keep his word, or lacks the courtesy to show up on time does not commend himself as one likely to be faithful and reliable in marriage."
"A man who is often angry and critical is to be shunned by women. Look for kindness and a heart that freely ministers with a thoughtful word and an attentive ear."
To end of the chapter, the writers close with this very meaningful reminder:
"Remember, no one is perfect. Christian marriage is for two vastly flawed people to grow in the Lord together."
The bulk of the rest of the book, Chapters 6, 7 and 8, talks about practical aspects of dating, which I think will serve everyone better if read in its totality (of course, the entire book is best read in totality).
Chapter 9, the last chapter, speaks of how as singles, we should be fully satisfied in the Lord, and not looking for someone to look to for fulfillment, because we can never find this person aside from Jesus Christ.
This concludes the main takeaways I got from this book, and when tomorrow comes, it shall be passed on to serve other brothers and sisters in Christ.
